if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
