your room smells of hookers.
And success
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
