very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just google imaged poop.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
