porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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