I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
