Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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