This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
