I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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