Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
