I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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