Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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