so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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