have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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