I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dont even know how to be here
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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