you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
sex in a hospital.. check
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
