I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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