You're my little dorito
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
