Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
