good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
