genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
