i was born a porn star she said
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
