Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
