Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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