I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
