my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
