I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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