You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
