I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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