i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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