I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
