I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
