Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
