In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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