Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
