I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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