I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
