I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
