she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
