Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
