You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
