I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
