Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
