I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't deserve a penis
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
