I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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