you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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