Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
