I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
