I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
smell my finger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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