needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
