thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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