I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
