Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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