after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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