hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
