Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
