And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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