just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
