sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
