oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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