I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
