we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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