No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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