Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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