giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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