never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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