3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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