She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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