I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You dont lie about slip and slides
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
