I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
