He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize