First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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