OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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