a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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