would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
