Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
