I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
