my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
