burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
