just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You need Xanax blowdarts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
